“The Others”

pablo-hermoso-T_I5pT2sZhY-unsplash — Photo courtesy of Pablo Hermoso on Unsplash

A friend whose married child has children refers to the in-laws as “the others”. It is a lighthearted way of acknowledging a common grandparent role. I’m not sure if this relationship with “the others” is favorable or unfavorable, however, even the best circumstance poses its own set of challenges.

When relationships between in-laws is good and both sets of grandparents have financial resources, they might tend to overwhelm grandchildren with material gifts. We all experience the joy of giving. But, it can be problematic when it turns into a competition, or when the parents do not approve of the types of gifts that are bestowed on their children. As grandparents, we must remind ourselves that our adult children are the primary caregivers of our grandchildren and our role is to support their good decisions.

Alternatively, in-law relationships can be strained due to lifestyle choices, attitudes, or other elements. Let’s face it, being a grandparent does not automatically mean a person has strong moral character. Did I say that politely enough? Sometimes these circumstances require more prayer than we feel capable of praying. It is vital that we exhibit Christ-like attitudes toward people who do not accept Jesus as their Savior or live according to our personal standards. It could mean biting our tongue and earnestly asking the Holy Spirit for guidance time and again.

Above all, rely on the Holy Spirit to guide your attitudes and actions. Rely on God’s wisdom to direct your choices. Wisdom is promised in the Bible; all you need to do is ask for it. “If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you,” James 1:5.

As we embark on another season of Thanksgiving and Christmas when families are likely to encounter one another, remember that we who put our faith in Christ have a gift to share with the world that surpasses anything else. Be generous. Share the love you have received with “the others”.

Then, tell me how the Spirit guided your time with “the others” at barbhowe.org.

Make a Note!

Photo courtesy of Alvaro Serrano on Unsplash

A recent occasion of closet cleaning reminded me how much value written words hold for us. Inside a long-forgotten box on a top shelf in the closet I found a stack of letters written to me by my mother, who passed away nearly 40 years ago. I began reading.

Most of the letters contained family news. Near the middle of the stack, I found a little card with a personal message in my mother’s handwriting, expressing her love for me. What a treasure!

She did not use a lot of words, but the ones she did use touched my heart – again. I won’t repeat them here; they’re private. What I will share is encouragement and a little guidance for you to put your words of love on paper for a special someone.

Read below, and insert (selected words or phrases) from the lists that express your thoughts and feelings. Feel free to combine thoughts or insert your own words in place of the ones listed.

Dear (Name),

On the day
(you were born),
(your adoption was finalized),
(I became your stepparent),
(you became my grandchild),
(I became your grandparent),
my life changed forever.

I felt
(overwhelmed),
(more emotions than I could count),
(a loss of words),
(blessed beyond measure),
(tears of joy running down my cheeks).

The first time
(I held you in my arms),
(you looked into my eyes),
(our hands touched),
I knew
(you were a blessing from God),
(I would always love you).

I hope you will always remember
(you are one of a kind),
(you are wonderfully made),
(I will always love you).

Love,

(Your Name)

Here’s an example of how your message might look when you write it out:

Dear Emma,

On the day I became your grandparent, my life changed forever. I felt blessed beyond measure. The first time I held you in my arms I knew you were a blessing from God. I hope you will always remember you are wonderfully made. I will always love you.

Love,

(Your Name)

These few sentences are short enough to fit into a greeting card or one one sheet of writing paper. Yet the message they carry is enough to fill a book. And it only takes a little time to leave a big impact in someone’s day, even 40 years later. Try it!

Send your thoughts to barbhowe.org.

Hope for Rejected Grandparents

julie-johnson-723620-unsplash — Photo courtesy of Julie Johnson on Unsplash

“This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us. And if we know that he hears us—whatever we ask—we know that we have what we asked of him” (1 John 5:14-15).

As grandparents, our access to grandchildren is dependent upon the relationships we have with our adult children. It can be a challenge to maintain that perspective when we do not agree with their decisions. Sometimes parents oppose a relationship between grandparents and grandchildren. They may even be separated by physical distance.

As disheartening as these situations may be, they are not a reason to lose hope. Rather, they are opportunities to trust God for the outcome while continuing to pray for His guidance in the way we react to our circumstances.

One widow was disheartened when her son and daughter-in-law moved out of state, taking her two grandchildren with them. Opposing this grandmother’s faith, the father severed all contact between her and his children. After weeks of prayer and fasting, the grandmother began sending gifts and cards filled with words of hope to her grandchildren. At their insistence the father relented, allowing visits between his children and their beloved grandmother to resume.

A divorced man found himself left out of his daughter’s family celebrations. After coming to faith in Christ, he admitted his hot temper and accusing words contributed to the distance between him and the people he loved. With a contrite heart, he humbly reached out to his daughter, asking her to forgive his past sins. She was hesitant at first. But after he consistently and respectfully persevered, the daughter opened her home, and eventually her heart to him. He now has a thriving relationship with his daughter and grandchildren.

These two grandparents chose to trust in God when there was no evidence or human reason to believe their damaged family relationships would be restored. Rather than give up, they persisted, they prayed, and they pursued the goal of restoration. In doing so, they cast their anxieties to the Lord and trusted Him for the results.

To anyone who is facing this dilemma I say, “Don’t give up.” With utmost humility, ask God to pave the way for you to have a godly influence on the lives of your grandchildren. Be patient. God already know what you need and what your grandchildren need. And remember to give God all the glory for the way He answers your request.

Share your stories of hope at barbhowe.org.

Let’s Get Real!

Heavenly Light During a women’s retreat where the life stages of attendees spanned early adult to grandmother of many, I was impressed by the transparency one 20-something woman demonstrated. She prayed for forgiveness of an addiction to pornography. Her revelation impressed me.

My first reaction was finding a face to put on a growing statistic among young Christian women. (If you don’t believe this, check out DirtyGirlsMinistries.com and CovenantEyes.com.) The casualties of sexual immorality suddenly became real and relevant in the tearful prayer of one of its victims. It pierced my heart to see her pain.

When I shared this experience with a friend, she reminded me that young adults want to engage in open, honest dialogue with people of their grandparents’ generation about tough topics like this. The thing is, meaningful communication can only happen when we grandparents are open and honest about our lives. It can be challenging. Our generation was taught not to “air your dirty laundry.” Maybe it’s time for a wardrobe update.

In Genesis, God created sexual intimacy to be a gift, not the plague many in younger generations are experiencing. You may know a young adult who is dying inside to talk about this or another personal challenge. I urge you to take off the cloak of pride and discuss tough topics openly and honestly with your children’s children. Getting real may be one of the most empowering gifts you can give.

Send comments to: SpiritualLegacyMemoir.com.